Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
