mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
