You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
