I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
