from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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