im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize