It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize