Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
false alarm. still invincible.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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