You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
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