in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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