she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
It's official drugs can't kill me
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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