and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize