I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize