My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
