grandma shit on top of the toilet
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
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