My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
