i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
