i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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