Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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