my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
