Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
