I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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