so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
