not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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