He kissed a someone with a penis
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
