i already hear my dad disowning me
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
