dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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