my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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