Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
