i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
