She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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