home. puking in laundry basket.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
