life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
