Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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