i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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