I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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