Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
