no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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