Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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