its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Randomize
