at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize