I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
