if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
