apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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