driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
