just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
