I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
