cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
