Fine. I'll sleep in my office
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
