Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
