I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
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