After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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