she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize