Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize