just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
