oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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