I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize