Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
