You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
