I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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