You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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