So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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