Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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