i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
