You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize