I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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