The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Randomize
