She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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