dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
