East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize