You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize