i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Randomize
