the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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