Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
