Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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