I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
