very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
