My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Randomize