the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
