Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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