no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
