It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I wish there were birth control emojis
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I smell like Dick and happiness
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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