To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
