hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
