we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
